Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Dear Natalie...

Today is your due date! I can't begin to tell you how excited and anxious I am to meet you...but I must wait for you to be ready to enter this world. When will you decide to introduce yourself? I just can't wait, sweet girl. I anxiously await...
I pray for you so often throughout the day. I pray that you will be born safely, healthy. I pray for your salvation...I pray that you will know Jesus and that He will be your Savior. I pray for your protection. I pray for your happiness. I pray for wisdom as a parent. I pray for your future. I think about how Mary must have felt carrying Jesus...and how special this time of year is...and how we will be celebrating your birth during this exciting time of year...
Sometimes I do not know what to pray for you. There's a song that I listen to often...it captures this feeling quite well...
"I do not know how I am to pray for this child
as a mother I don't want my baby denied
but in the waiting in the waiting
I learned...
every instinct in me wants to shield her from pain
take the arrows of misery, heartache and blame
but in the sorrow in the sorrow
I learned to hold on...
...I only have two eyes - be all seeing
I only have two hands - be everywhere
I do not know enough - to be all knowing
I give this baby up into your care
I do not know how, how to pray for this child
I want to guard her from everything wicked and wild
but in the trial, in the trial, I learned to hold on
And in the trial I learned to hold on to the heart of God." (Sara Groves)

Come and meet us soon, little Natalie!

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Natalie's Nursery

5 weeks until her due date and we're almost ready. Special thanks to her Aunt Whitney, our famous interior designer, for all of her ideas! Thanks to everyone for all of the incredible gifts you have given her to help make this room so very special. I still need to organize her closet!!

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Learning to Breathe

Breathing...the act of inhaling and exhaling.

Every morning, when I am walking to work, I pray and I say to God "thank you for another day to LIVE, and to BREATHE, and to serve YOU."

As I prepare for the birth of Natalie Muse, I am learning to just "breathe." Breathing is a bit more difficult with a bump the size of two large watermelons in your belly. I get breathless when I walk, or talk too much. Dave says I breathe so hard at night (aka snore) that I sound like a loud freight train coming through the house!

I am breathless at the thought of the miracle that grows inside of me. I am breathless because I worry about her...worry about delivery day...worry if I will be a good parent.

But God says, BREATHE, relax, leave it in My Hands. He says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-29

So I will try. I will try to BREATHE. It is so hard for a planner like me to not know EXACTLY WHEN she will be here!!! I can't write it on my calendar. I find it challenging to ensure that EVERYTHING on my checklist is checked off, because what if she surprises us? I just have to let go and BREATHE. My husband is so good at this. He is so relaxed and laid back about everything, which I am thankful for since I am the total opposite. We are a good match, and I am grateful for that as well.

So I will breathe, trust in God, and be thankful, and hopeful and excited. I can't wait!

Sidebar on breathing: We had our first childbirth class today, and for a good thirty minutes or so, we were practicing "labor breathing." Well, every single time I started trying to "practice," I began to laugh UNCONTROLLABLY. I mean, so tickled that my baby bump was shaking all over the place...so hard that I was wheezing. Every time I looked at Dave, I busted out laughing. I'm sure people were thinking how immature I must be. It was funny that I couldn't hold it together during the breathing. Thank goodness for the epidural, as I hopefully won't need too many "hee, hee, hee, hoos" during Natalie's delivery.

The LoKota Indian Philosophy
1. Show Up
2. Be Present
3. Tell the Truth
4. Let Go of the Outcome

'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button girl,
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe, just breathe,
Woah breathe, just breathe
(Anna Nalick, Breathe, 2 AM)